2021

This seems like a great time to try and restart, doesn't it? I think the original plan I had set in my heart for this blog was lost because a lot changed for me in 2020. Two weeks before the quarantine started back in March and I was kicked from my dorm was when I started therapy. It's been painful, and I knew it would be, but it has been a much more productive outlet for me than writing into the void (shocking). However, I think this can start to be something productive for me again.

Last year, I picked up a few new hobbies and got more used to spending time with myself and accepting who I am. I also think this is why my blog was such a mess between being way too personal and way too critical of whatever media I had just consumed. I also lamely attempted to put myself on a schedule with posting, which is the last thing I needed to do to myself. No one reads this anyways, that's the point, so who cares about a schedule?

That being said, my goal this year is to post more often for myself, sure, but also to reorganize a bit. It's why I took down all my old posts, to start new again yet maintain the aesthetic here that I still enjoy. Anyways, that's all in terms of where this blog is going.

Now, I think I should set some goals for myself this year. First off, I want to move out of where I'm at currently. I'm not sure where or with whom I want to live as of right now, but I think the movement is more important than the details anymore. Second, I want to get an internship or job of some sort that has to do with my major, or any job that isn't as elementary as my previous employers. I don't think this will be difficult, but I think I'll have to give up a lot of my free time, which is only challenging because of how much time quarantine gave me to indulge in my hobbies. Third, I want to be a better cook. This is something I've been avoiding for a long time out of the fear of wasting food or accidental arson, but I'm turning 20 this year and I know this is something I can and should improve upon.

In terms of hobbies, though, I don't think I'll make any goals. Last year, I told myself I would read more. For a short while, I read regularly, but I think it only worked because it was a quiet hobby for when I was in the dorms or on a long train ride. After moving and picking up sewing, reading kind of lost priority and I was upset with myself for a little while for not being able to just focus on one goal. This year, I think I should just do whatever I enjoy with my free time. Sewing helps me because creating something useful from tangible materials feels productive, and I could make things that helped people, like masks or tote bags, whereas reading for myself fueled my imagination and I could escape into other realities, like dreaming when I was awake. Both are productive and enjoyable to me, but I think the context in which I do those things is also what makes them productive and enjoyable, leading me to a goalless conclusion.

If any other person but myself reads this, hello and happy new year! I don't normally believe in new year's goals or things of that nature, but I think 2020 was so torturous that it couldn't hurt to give myself a semblance of hope for 2021.